If I’m being honest, the world didn’t tell me that I was beautiful. Not once. Not really. I had to dig in deep. I had to be deeper to remember that “ain’t I a woman too”.
Guided by the women closest to me, I found comfort in being a mirror image of a lineage of women who claimed space in places that were not built for them. They stood there anyway. Fully embodied. Centered.
I was minding my business and trying to create photos and videos for my herbal tea blends that are coming out soon. Something told me to put on gold. I put it on and went outside with my cup of tea. As I tried to be my own creative director embracing Mother Nature’s ideas, I just went with the flow. I reviewed the pictures in the midst of the photoshoot, and I had to pause.
“How beautiful your depths are”
I felt DEEPLY beautiful, sexy, sensual even. Now honestly, I have always felt beautiful, cute, pretty even on my worst days in an always loved by your mother way. But I struggled to feel desired. It always felt like if you didn’t have “the look” (y’all know what I’m talking about), that was your fate. You were cute and adorable but sexy was never a word used to describe you.
But there was someone else inside me that wanted to be acknowledged now. And she showed up that day, demanding to be witnessed. FULLY DESIRED by herself. Her growth, transformation, her womanhood fully and brightly claimed her place in this lineage. I rolled around gracefully in the grass trying to capture her. I found her in the least expected images, and I went with it.
She whispered; you’ve been focused on the wrong things. A Deeper Beauty. It was like an interview with myself.
How has this journey taught you to embrace a deeper beauty, to go within and what did you find?
I love dressing up, wearing makeup and expressing my feelings through my image. But what I love most is the intimate connection I had made with myself by lathering my body in herbal infused body oils. I didn’t initially understand how deep this experience had been until I looked at my photos. I saw the journey that I had been feeling. The shift was captured in the images.
The plants, if you allow them, are a divine connection to Source, to Love. I realized that I had been wrapping myself in love and protection by intentionally lathering myself with herbal oils. I am choosing to be the facilitator of the healing touch my body needs. And there is so much out there about how transformative and healing touch itself can be. These body oils that I had been creating had been my safe haven, a container of some sorts. It brought beauty into the mundane and ceremony and ritual into self-care. It was soul work. I went out there to get some shots of tea and came back with the understanding of this deeper beauty.
The sun met me where I was and hugged my golden chocolate skin and I reflected back The Mother’s divine beauty.
This one is for the girls who cultivated beauty, who grew it from seed as the roots grabbed hands with the soil and into full bloom. This one is for the girls who know beauty intimately and have examined the deepest parts of their oceans. Once you see that, there is nothing that can tell you otherwise of how beautiful you really are.
Grandma Mal would always say “I love that which is me” and her mother would say it and probably her mother too. This type of beauty exists in a lineage of women who carved their name into existence so that we would never forget our divinity. And that is a deeper beauty. That is what we’ve been tasked to remember.
So, I say it loud and very much proud. Because these things have been cultivated for me many moons before I was birthed into this world.
I love myself!
I have truly learned to love how I walk, talk, and exist in this body in all aspects. While it was never far out of reach and still can some days be a struggle, I did have to learn these things as often as possible or shall I say remember. This experience of reconnecting to my self-worth and inner wisdom has been liberating. I feel different. I feel at home. And we all deserve to feel at home in our body.
And if that requires me to confidently and unapologetically to walk into the light, to be the mirror so you can see yourself, to shine truths on all of my vulnerabilities that I once thought I had to hide, I will. I volunteer because when you begin to see yourself as you truly are at a soul level and as you move through the muddy waters, you know the truth intimately and you can’t deny it no matter what the world tells you.
You’ll see all the things you never were. And begin to embrace all the things you have always been. Co-creating with God is a beautiful experience. All it requires is your willingness to be seen. The rest was already done.
How beautiful your depths are. You were made out of gold and ocean water.
With Love & Sprinkles of Gold,
Check out my labor of love at Center Sage and feel free to try a customized herbal infused body oil to truly capture your essence!
This is a beautiful reclamation of self! And inspiring. I love being a witness to your journey. Thank you for sharing!